Saturday, November 28, 2009


It started out to be such a lovely getaway. Spending a few days at Carlsbad with old friends (well, long-time friends) was the plan, then on to my son’s in Laguna Hills for a Thanksgiving Feast with the whole family. Somehow, traffic got in the way of a great experience.

Where do all these people come from? I know, I know, I’m one of them, but still. I can remember the days when I’d drive the 91 and the 5 freeways and get irritated if there were more than one car per lane. Now, there are a gazillion cars in every lane, some even having the temerity to drive down the “break-down” lanes (on both sides!).

Because I’m always where I should be on any particular holiday, I didn’t realize that everyone else had to drive on THAT day. I left the beach at 11 a.m. and arrived at my sons at 2:30 p.m., three-and-a-half hours later; a drive that normally takes one hour and fifteen minutes, at best.

I normally only listen to music as I drive, but after an hour I decided to listen to the news, sure that the world had changed in many ways while I was driving in Limbo. I now know I can go without the news for a year. I know every bit of lies, truth stretches, and downright stupidity that goes on in the world.

Stupid NEWS RELEASE: LEAD IN:“Tiger Woods seriously injured in car accident.” Then: FOLLOW-UP: “After being seen at the emergency room, he was released in good condition.” Excuse me? You just said “seriously injured” and now this?

Tim Conway Jr. on KFI was recapping the day’s news. He said this had to be a press release from Tiger's Manager, and that all managers lie. So, can we expect that Tiger is laid up somewhere in a body cast? Then: “Police say ‘alcohol’ was not indicated as cause of the accident.” Tim said: “Manager again. Lies!” But they did not say: “Drugs” were not indicated….so take your best guess.

And what’s the deal with Tiger, anyway? He’s crashed into a fire hydrant and then into a tree or fence, or whatever he supposedly crashed into at 2:30 IN THE MORNING? What’s a married man and father doing out at 2:30 in the morning crashing into fire hydrants? Why wasn’t he in bed in his lavish Florida estate, with his beautiful model wife wrapped around him, his babies down the hall secure in the fact that Daddy is protecting them from the boogey-man.

The next day I read that his wife broke a window with a “club” to free him. A CLUB? 4-wood? Driver? Pitching wedge? Where did she get it? Evidently the car was locked, so if she broke a window with a "club" she would have had to run back into the house to grab one: If so, why didn’t she just call 911 instead of looking for a golf club? Could she possibly have opened his lip with a 4-iron because he got home so late? Or, were they fighting? Maybe she picked up a club as he ran for the car, jumped in, gunned the engine to get the hell out of dodge, then slammed into the hydrant? Then before he could recover, she clonked his punkin' head the club. Oh, to be a fly on the wall…er, the Cadillac!

STUPID NEWS RELEASE: LEAD IN: Uninvited couple gets into White House State Dinner without invitation.” Then: FOLLOW-UP: “An uninvited couple crash the White House State Dinner and have their picture taken with top politicians, including the President of the United States.” The Secret Service said: “Someone dropped the ball.” Oh my, this sounds like something you’d see watching the Pink Panther movies, as Inspector Clouseau stumbles into and out of trouble in his search for the bad guys.

Do I wonder how that could have happened? Well, no. Because I’m still amazed how a certain president could engage in “It” with a young page in the Oval Office and not be impeached. By the way, it wasn’t his “private life in the Oval Office” as some people suggested; it is “The People’s” White House, which means he was doing the dirty-deed in MY Oval Office!

Oh, well, that’s history. But, this event at the White House was hilarious. Those Secret Service agents need to toughen up, maybe take some lessons from the NTS guys at the airport. Not only do they look at me as if I’m Osama’s wife, but they search my carry-on and find a five-inch flexible emery board. “Hold on there, Misses Ben-Laden, you can’t board the plane with a weapon.” I have to admit that I do sort of look like a terrorist: red hair, 5’5”, sun-weathered skin, Lens-Crafter specialty glasses, and carrying a wooden nail file to fix any breaks in my gel-filled nails. But this “weapon” breaks when using it on my nails, how many people could I flatten with it?

Okay, I’ve had my rant. Life is always amusing. It just takes a few days to realize it.